#jjgratitudebook

2016. 366 days. 366 blank pages.

Page 1 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I am grateful for the feeling after you took a warm shower, the satisfaction you can get from simply drinking fresh water, for a crazy New Year’s Eve with my crew ๐Ÿ˜ and for once again realizing that the universe has its plan and sometimes all I gotta do is lean back and enjoy the show. Good night everyone ๐ŸŒŸI’m gonna try and get some sleep now.

Page 2 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I’m grateful for how relaxed I am with food finally, I had a beautiful dinner at vapiano tonight and enjoyed a bowl of spelt pasta all’arrabbiata and I’m feeling awesome now. Just half a year ago I would have freaked out because of the oil, salt & gluten in there…๐Ÿ™ˆ โ€ข I am grateful for making new friendships and for spontaneous actions ๐Ÿš€ Hell yes, growing up is overrated! And comfort zones as well… โ€ข I am grateful for the best ones for saving me once again โ€ข And I am beyond grateful for 36 000 YouTube subscribers – THANK YOU so much for your support guys

Page 3 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I’m grateful for my eyesight. I’ve hurt my head pretty badly today and couldn’t see on one eye for a few hours. It is such a gift to have eyes to take in the world around us, to deliver us the raw, almost unedited material of what we think is reality… Sometimes I wish I would be blind to all pain in the world cause it just hurts so much. But closing your eyes doesn’t change anything…๐Ÿ‘ โ€ข Today I am grateful for the incredible strength and willpower of my body – or is it my heart? That stands up over and over again. That stays strong even when my mind goes crazy, gives up and drowns in panic and anxiety. That survives all my darkest thoughts. Once again today. But although these panic attacks are draining and leave me bruised and ashamed I am grateful for not burying pain anymore, for not holding back tears… ๐Ÿ’ง โ€ข Today I am grateful for realizing how much I grew last year. โ€ข I am grateful to see that I can respect and love someone to the moon and back who does not even value me at all. What does it show? Poor choice? Well, to me it’s rather a wonderful experience to show me how I am not depending anymore, how I can give without receiving, how I can love without request. And what I give out will come back to me anyways, that’s just #howlifeworks โ˜„ โ€ข Today I am grateful for the coldest day so far this winter to make me even more appreciate for warmth, summer and sunshine ๐ŸŒž

Page 4 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ To be honest, it’s hard to be grateful for anything today. But thinking about it stopped my tears and made me breathe slower… Well, I’m grateful for darkness today. For the warmth of my bed. For music calming my soul, at least for a bit. I am grateful for my friend forcing me to eat something; my concussion makes me feel nauseous but yeah my body needs energy. I am grateful to still have the fire burning inside of me ๐Ÿ”ฅ And I am grateful for everyone who reads this, thank you ๐ŸŒŸ

Page 5 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I am grateful for the snow that came overnight, I love the fact that everything is white now. Better than grey. And in a way so peaceful โ„๏ธ โ€ข I am grateful for this one moment in the shower earlier ๐Ÿ› So, I don’t have a shower curtain and I have to sit down in my bathtub. Don’t ask me why but I suddenly hugged my legs laid my head on my knees and said I love you. Yes, I’m not kidding. And it felt fucking awesome. I want you to do that tonight in bed, okay? And tag a friend down below to do it as well ๐Ÿ‘‡๐ŸฝTry it. Say it loud. And feel it. And if tears come, let them โค๏ธ โ€ข I am grateful for all this shit happening to me right now. Because everything happens for a reason. Even if I don’t see it yet. And as much as I hate laying around and not being able to get anything done, I am forced to let go of “but I have to”. And I did not have a panic attack today๐Ÿ’ซ

Page 6 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I’m grateful for my body shutting down completely. It just makes me so much more aware of all the vital body functions and so beyond grateful for the wisdom, strength and health of my body in general. Seeing my body working at full power to heal and reassure my well being is really powerful for me. It will know what’s best right now. โ€ข Today I’m grateful for @dj__naxdriving me to the hospital and waiting 4.5h at the ambulance with me, forcing me to eat something and bringing me food aka vitamins ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿ‡ Thank you so much for your time and patience! ๐ŸŒŸ โ€ข I am grateful for all the extra time I am forced to take for myself. Grateful to be forced to learn that it is okay and that my health has number one priority right now and always. And I can’t wait to be back at my full potential ๐Ÿ’ฏ #trustlifealittlebit โ€ข I am grateful for feeling so much for comfortable in my own skin and for all your feedback on my transformation picture, you guys are amazing and I really hope my video series will answer some of your questions and help you out! ๐Ÿ’›ย 

Page 7 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Wow, first week of the year is over and all I did was being sick ๐Ÿ˜„ Okay not really I had a funny weekend actually ๐Ÿ‘ป But yeah, since then all I could do was pretty much just laying around looking like a ghost โœŒ๐Ÿฝ๏ธ Well, today I’m so grateful for my mom, talking to me on the phone this morning, lifting my mood, taking some weight off my shoulders (read more below) and also bringing me some food and meds tonight ๐Ÿ’ž I’m so grateful for how much better our relationship is and how much she cares for me! You are the best @senseations6 and I love you so much! ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿผ โ€ข I’m grateful for fully accepting the situation and Mom making me see that even though I had many “off-phases” during the last 3 years due to mostly mental problems or illnesses I’ve achieved so much at the same time. I often compare myself to others, how much success they have and how much more they get done – which of course is a good thing as I wanna stay focused and work towards my goals. But at the same time it’s good to remind myself that I’ve gone through so much shit and that I can be damn proud for where I am today ๐ŸŒŸ Oh it’s still hard to say these things sometimes but hey this is exactly what I’m talking about so much: SELF LOVE#practicewhatyoupreach – And I want YOU to be proud of yourself too, okay? ๐Ÿ’› โ€ข I’m grateful for realizing once again that we often are so not aware of our effect on others. I’ve received such a sweet mail today from a girl who went to the same school, telling me what she thought about me when I was younger – and always so self- conscious and insecure. I had tears in my eyes reading her words. I know it’s not such a big deal but I wish I could go back in time and give my younger self a hug and open her eyes for all the potential and joy hiding underneath the insecurities and pain. It just strengthens my aim to give that to others, to let YOU see how special and beautiful you are ๐Ÿ’Ž And for that reason I’m just so grateful today that I’ve started sharing my journey and that I’m able to reach so many people with my message. WHAT A DAY! #thankyou ๐Ÿ™†

Page 8 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I am grateful the waiting room was empty this morning and I did not have to wait too long. โ€ข I am grateful for my water kettle, I’m using it literally 20 times a day right now! โ€ข I am grateful that my mind is much calmer already, this forced break is doing my anxiety good! โ€ข I am grateful the pain was less bad today and I could sleep better. โ€ข I am grateful for getting to know so many of you on such a personal level through snapchat (@ jillicue), you guys seriously brighten my day ๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’•

Page 9 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I am grateful for a good dream. All the last nights were crazy with intense nightmares. But last night I was in love, it was warm and I was a professional swimmer ๐ŸŠ๐Ÿผ what is so far from reality, but oh damn I can’t wait to be fit again so I can move my body. โ€ข Today I am grateful that I woke up to a blue sky, sunshine makes me so happy ๐ŸŒž oh and those purple lines on the sky when the sun went down… ๐Ÿ’• โ€ข Today I am grateful for my breath. Right now my lungs are making funny noises when I inhale and it’s so hard to breathe. Usually we don’t even notice our lungs working, (okay obviously when we workout or meditate) but usually it’s completely effortless. โ€ข Today I am grateful for realizing that all magic is within ME. It’s not “him” bringing it into my life or any special circumstances. It’s already there, within me. Sleeping. Ready to make every cell tingle, ready to make me smile all day, ready to fulfill my dreams. And I can either wait for something to come into my life, search forever for the wake up call, OR I can simply awaken it myself. And so can you! Freaking awesome ayyy?! โœจ

Page 10 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I am grateful that I started to let my natural hair grow out. It is getting so much healthier and softer month by month. Yes, the first few months were hard and I still have days when I dream about my barbie blonde hair but they were just sooo damaged by all the bleaching and heat styling ๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿผ โ€ข I am grateful for how in tune I am with my body food wise and for how simple my “diet” is now. I fully listen to my natural appetite, I can stop eating when I feel satisfied and don’t find myself eating out of boredom or sadness. I feel like I am ahead of the game and I eat because I want to fuel my body and provide it with everything it needs. ((Totally need to go grocery shopping tomorrow though, I’m craving greeeeeens! ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿ…๐Ÿ†)) โ€ข I am grateful for a beautiful sunset – I actually took this selfie in the pinkish sunset lighting, sooo beautiful ๐ŸŒžโ€ข Today I am grateful for feeling differently, better, fresher, excited! A shift is coming and I sense it โœจ

Page 11 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I’m grateful for slowly rebuilding myself, naturally finding into routines and gradually feeling more grounded. โ€ข Today I’m grateful for a call from my sister this morning who is in Australia at the moment. I miss her so much but she actually told me that she is coming home earlier than I thought ๐ŸŽ‰ We’re going to have such a good time@leoniesophieth ๐Ÿ‘ญ #ily โ€ข Today I am grateful for past memories coming up through watching gossip girl ๐Ÿ‘ป Yes I know this might sound weird for some of you but since GG was my favorite show ever and I was pretty much addicted I have so many memories and feelings connected to the series ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿฝ What’s your favorite show? โ€ข Today I am grateful, oh so grateful for how life works. For how love knows. For how the universe provides. For how music connects and words carry emotion. I’m grateful for lyrics that are speaking my heart. Grateful for emotion being the language of the universe โ˜„

Page 12 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I am grateful my hands, my lips, my eyes, my ears, my nose, my belly, my arms, my legs, feet, boobs, butt – YES I’m grateful for my body, that I get to experience life in it, that I get to feel, be, breathe, love. I’m grateful for every cell of this masterpiece. Are you too? ๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿผ#loveyourself โ€ข I’m grateful for being able to wrap my legs around each other while I sleep. I used to do that a lot #weirdo but then I couldn’t anymore. Nope “I’m not all about weightloss” haha (I don’t even own scales) but sometimes it’s just so nice to see changes and to feel more like myself again ๐Ÿ’• โ€ข I’m grateful for nuts, haha yes you read right, come on how good do pecans taste!! Totally loving them lately. โ€ข I’m grateful for these days right now… So glad I get the chance to fully rest and restart not only physically but mentally. So glad my body is demanding this time and so glad that I listen.

Page 13 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I’m grateful that my car is working again. I was afraid it’s unfixable or that it might cost too much but I have it back and I’m so relieved ๐Ÿš™ โ€ข I’m grateful for actually getting a few things done today ๐Ÿ“ฒ๐Ÿ’ป๐Ÿ—“I still have to take it super slow but at least I could be a bit productive. {some of you were asking for a health update: So uhm my toe is much better, I can walk again without having too much pain, my throat is fine again but lungs & head still in so much pain, still waiting for the bronchitis and sinusitis ๐Ÿ‘ƒ๐Ÿผ to heal, thanks for your concern ๐Ÿ’•} โ€ข I’m grateful for feeling so different. I’m about to order a new diary as I have a negative feeling using my old one. Yes I’m not kidding. A shift is happening right now and it feels good. Being sick really helps cause I really have to go step by step to not stress my body. I truly feel like I’m reinstalling my software ๐ŸŒช I love to see myself constantly growing, evolving and learning. Change is the only constant โœจ โ€ข I’m grateful I started this Gratitude Journal. Every night I really have to reflect on the day and my emotions. I’ve been practicing gratitude before but not as intense. It’s beautiful! I sometimes think about something I’m grateful for during the day and then I sit here at night and can’t remember. But I feel that it’s really becoming more of a habit or rather “state”. Plus I also feel closer to you guys as this is so personal and “raw”. Can’t wait to see how this will develop over the months… Uhm, yes I think that’s it for today. Good night all you wonderful beings ๐Ÿ’‹

Page 14 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ WHAT. A. DAY. – I deep cleaned my whole apartment, did all my laundry, re organized all my stuff, got rid of some unnecessary things, etc. I’m so grateful for my space here. It feels so good to have everything clean and tidy now #frรผhjahrsputz ๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿผ And omg fresh bed sheets = BEST FEELING EVER! (almost) ๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ˜‚ โ€ข I am so grateful for having @melinamandarini in my life ๐Ÿ‘ญ#bestie About a year ago I saw her for the first time after being whatsapp friends for 7 months. I’ve always had problems with girl friendships and it makes me even more appreciate of the honest, supportive and loving relationship we have. Thanks for being you @melinamandarini ๐Ÿ’• โ€ข And omg, I just reached 40k subscribers on YouTube. Holy fuck, ‘grateful’ doesn’t even do my feelings justice! I’m just so happy and I can’t wait to make videos again! Thank you guys for all your support ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ โ€ข I’m incredibly exhausted right now, lungs are still in so much pain โšก๏ธ it was definitely not the best idea to play wifey today but anyway, I feel LOADS better mentally. Yes, something is shifting. I love it. Wuhuuuuu ๐ŸŒŸ

Page 15 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Todaayyyy I’m grateful for receiving one of the most beautiful messages I’ve ever got, of a girl I could inspire to go vegan๐ŸŒฑ And just in general, I’ve been getting so much positive feedback and I still get goosebumps and shed a few tears here n there when I read your mails. ๐Ÿ™ˆ To actually have a positive impact on someone else’s life means so much to me and I hope I can continue to inspire you to love yourself and be healthy and happy. โ€ข I’m grateful for another 3h phone call with@melinamandarini ๐Ÿ‘ป who I thought I get to see this weekend but she’s understandably staying in berlin to celebrate @melinaesmeralda special day – HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETY, I hope I get to finally meet you soon ๐ŸŽˆ – buut she’s coming over next weekend ๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’• #yayโ€ข I’m grateful for getting into a good morning routine – I’ve been trying to do so in such a long time but the best change is not forced, it’s the most powerful when it actually happens naturally. Love seeing all these small changes every day…#stepbystep and I already feel a lot more stable and calm. YOU ARE YOUR ONLY LIMIT – so freaking true. And I can’t wait to see where this is going! โ€ข I’m grateful for another day on earth ๐ŸŒ Life is beautiful and so are you! Good night everyone ๐Ÿ’‹

Page 16 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I’m grateful for old memories, new friends, life changing books, new opportunities, unexpected visits, I’m grateful for new snow, true friendship, honest talks, real love, glimpses of pure bliss, good food, my warm bed and Chuck Bass putting a smile on my face every time he starts to speak ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„ Not so grateful for fever, cough and pain but hey, I’m alive. ๐Ÿ™‹๐Ÿผ#jjgratitudebook // Btw! I did a 1h Q&A on snapchat so if you are bored or interested in me rambling about inspirations, what to do after school, gluten, what I find attractive in guys and a whole lot more, check it out! ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿฝ jillicue // Good night all you beautiful souls ๐Ÿ’•

Page 17 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I’m grateful for life surprising me over and over again, new chances when you expect them the least and all those ups and downs that make everything a bit more interesting! โ€ข I’m grateful for how much my skin healed. I can’t even stop touching my face (as you can tell if you follow me on snapchat ๐Ÿ‘ป) – I know it’s not good haha but it’s sooo different and I still can’t believe it. My skin is not only almost clear with the except of a few tiny blemishes but it’s also getting sooo soft. I had moments when my acne was so bad and painful I almost lost hope it will ever heal. So I’m incredibly happy to see I’m doing the right thing ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ โ€ข I’m beyond grateful for my amazing family ๐Ÿ’•

Page 18 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for a pretty shitty day, they make it more interesting right? ๐Ÿ‘ป And I’m grateful I managed to fall asleep at 9.30 pm. The sooner the better on this Blue Monday ๐Ÿ™ˆ Hope yours went ok! โ€ข I’m grateful so many parts of my life are taken away at the moment. It makes space for the new or something old to return and that is simply beautiful โœจ โ€ข I’m grateful for@abelxo #theweeknd touching my heart with his songs and making me smile on a day like this. It’s the little things ๐ŸŒŸ

Page 19 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I’m grateful for waking up to this beautiful sunrise. Prior to this the sky was deep purple, pink and orange – so magical โœจ I don’t know what it is, but these moments are so special. Is anyone feeling the same about sunrises and sunsets? โ€ข I’m grateful for the faith that tomorrow is going to be a better day. โ€ข I’m grateful for discovering things that cause anxiety for me. And for knowing that I can detach these thoughts from the true I. I’ve been identifying myself with so many things growing up, always in phases I think. I identified myself with cutting, starving, certain places, things, music, movies, books, tasks, people, labels, relationships, anxiety, panic. But I AM without all these things. I can let go of thoughts, doubts, fears. I AM, right here right now. And so are you. Don’t hold one. You are enough already, you are worthy, you are loved. Let go ๐ŸŒŸ

Page 20 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I’m grateful for having faith. I’m on the right path. I know what to do. I know how far I’ve came. I choose. Faith. That’s it.

Page 21 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I’m grateful for candlelight calming me. I’m grateful that some ties can’t be cut. I’m grateful for warm and moist banana bread, two blankets and eucalyptus tea. I’m grateful for observing my anxiety – the human mind is striking! I’m grateful for a good meditation practice this morning… I’m grateful for being able to share my story with so many people here, it means so much to me! I’m grateful that tomorrow is Friday and @melinamandarini is finally coming! ๐Ÿ‘ญ I’m grateful that I still somehow manage to breathe, my lungs are making the funniest or rather scariest noises. I’m grateful for all the positive feedback on my new videos, announcing a video series on ‘healthy vegan weightloss’. I’m grateful for each night, each morning, each day full of adventures. And I’m grateful for all the love in my heart.

Page 22 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I’m grateful for a beautiful blue sky and sunshine – made the day and my mood 36883208425 times better ๐ŸŒž I’m grateful for catching myself smiling for no reason several times today – like whaaat? Didn’t happen for quite a while now… And I’m grateful for reuniting with my girl@melinamandarini

Page 23 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for endless conversations and laughs with @melinamandarini ๐Ÿ‘ญ I’m grateful for how good a fresh orange / ginger juice can make you feel ๐ŸŠ I’m grateful for my breath and heartbeat always bringing me back to the present moment. I’m grateful for the tingling energy in my body when I just let go for a bit… โœจ I’m grateful for things falling into place anyway… and every single one of you reading this ๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’•

Page 24 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for crazy friendships, good friends, funny memories, plain water, forgetting everything for a bit, forgiving love and glances saying everything. I’m grateful for my apartment, cozy blankets, hot showers and good food. I’m grateful for having enough strength for this weekend with @melinamandarinialthough I still feel so sick.

Page 25 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Uff okay, so today I’m grateful for sleep, for good dreams, for silence, for darkness, I’m grateful that every new day is a new chance, grateful to know that I have the power to choose, that I’m responsible, that it is all in my head. Plan for tomorrow: meditation, doctor’s appointment, work, … and most importantly: being good to myself.

Page 26 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for warmer temperatures, okay it has only 10 degrees but better than -6! If you ask me we could directly move on to spring, Im more than done with winter! โ€ข I’m grateful for fresh flowers and new inspiration boards. – Can’t wait to get more pictures printed and fill my empty walls. โ€ข I’m grateful for this love inside of me. Because hey, every butterfly, every rush, every explosion of happiness had its origin in me – not anywhere else, not in anyone else. It’s me. I love, I am ๐ŸŒธ โ€ข I’m grateful for becoming more conscious every day, step by step moving in the right direction. Breathing more deeply, sleeping a bit more relaxed, smiling a second longer. Glimpses of pure bliss here and there, conquering my anxiety, flooding my soul with light. โ€ข I’m grateful for 81k – like whuaaaat, when did that happen!!! ๐ŸŽˆ I love you guys!

Page 27 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Whaaat, January is almost over? STOP, this is going way too fast!! With my lung inflammation and everything I feel like my 2016 didn’t even start properly yet. But oh well, nobody saw that coming and I just gotta deal with it. Life only gives us what we can handle… ๐ŸŒช Today I’m grateful for tears. Yes, I missed them. I couldn’t cry for almost half a year but they are back. And at the moment they sometimes just start rolling down my faces. Old wounds healing? I don’t know, but I let them… โ€ข Today I’m grateful for @ecotan‘s ‘winter skin’ and ‘face tan water’ for making me look less like a ghost and giving my skin a little glow ๐Ÿ‘ป Oh how much I miss sunshine and warmth ๐ŸŒž Okay, maybe I’m fine with January passing by so fast… #hurryspring โ€ข I’m grateful for to do lists. These days I write down every single thing, some even multiple times, in my calendar on my desk, in my planner and on a A4 sheet for each day. It gives me some kind of structure that is totally missing inside of me atm and being able to cross at least a few things at the end of the day feels good. Hey I’m not fully useless ๐Ÿ™†๐Ÿผ I’m not gonna lie, it’s a hard time for me at the moment. I really don’t wanna write negative stuff and I hope that with these gratitude posts I still get to shine light on the positive things in my day, I at least feel it myself. But I also wanna be honest with you guys โค๏ธ These posts mean a lot me, as every part of my work, but these are so straight from my heart and I feel more connected to you even if I don’t even know who is reading this. Anyway, thank you for being here with me! I’m excited for better days, I’m excited for getting my strength back, I’m excited to walk away from this phase, leave it behind, stronger than ever and with a smile on my lips.

Page 28 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ First of all I’m grateful for all your lovely and supportive comments on yesterday’s “entry”! It means so so much to me and supports me to a degree I can’t even explain โค๏ธ Today I’m soo damn grateful for a positive dream last night (seriously impacts my day so much!), I’m grateful for waking up without a headache and less anxious, for a sunny day, for beautiful hours with my family, relaxed talks, their care and lots of good vibes โœจ I had delicious food today, used my chai latte face mask, laughed and read Eckhart Tolle. Yes, it was a good day, much better than the last ones. It’s hard to be this ‘paralyzed’, hard to explain it to others and so hard to accept it myself. I’m feeling anxiety and a weird kind of nervousness right now, trying to calm my breath and mind. But it’s okay ๐Ÿ™ƒ At the same time I’m feeling good. Yes, really good. Optimistic and truly grateful. Oh and I’m excited for my next shooting on Sunday ๐Ÿ“ธ Any kind of positive distraction is good, as long as I do the ‘work’ as well. Yes I have to put effort in it. I have to force myself to read, to meditate, to do breathing exercises, to write, to relax, to leave my apartment, to see the light that’s already there, to feel the love in my veins, to turn it towards myself. I feel like I’m learning so much every day at the moment. I love it.

Page 29 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for childhood memories and family love. Excited for the weekend โœจ

Page 30 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Today I’m grateful for honesty, loyalty and girls sticking together. We should empower and support each other, no need for jealousy and bitching around, no need to disrespect or take others down. It only creates separation, not just from each other but especially from ourselves and life. How beautiful true friendship is and if we are honest to ourselves we all want someone to trust – especially in the world we live in today. Why fear each other (or rather ourselves?) and try to be superior when in reality we all seek is harmony and love. I think we should all embrace our own and each other’s beauty and uniqueness – every single one of you is amazing, just the way you are ๐ŸŒŸ Love yourself and be free of judgement and prejudice ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ We get what we give. โ€ข Today I’m grateful for the great news that @julianzietlow and@alina_schulte_im_hoff are becoming parents โœจ I’m so so happy for you guys, congratulations and all the best for your little family! โ€ข Today I’m grateful for music and my epic friends for putting a smile in my face and heart ๐Ÿ’›

Page 31 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Last day of a crazy January that I basically had to spend in bed or at my doctor’s / in the hospital. Sickness and anxiety played the main characters this month fought with reading, meditation, surrendering and gratitude. So it was also a month full of realizations about life, love and myself… โ€ข Today I’m grateful for genuine hugs, a crazy night and ‘White Iverson’ by Post Malone being the soundtrack ๐ŸŽถ โ€ข I’m grateful for a fun photoshoot with @khschroedercom for@candylandclothing ๐Ÿญ I’m so excited to see the pictures! It’s beautiful to see him making his dream of a book come true that he told me about not even a year ago when we worked together for the first time… So proud to be a part of it and absolutely crushing on the title and name of his new label! Oh and thanks for my candy shirts Kai, I looove them ๐Ÿ’• STAY TUNED FOR VALENTINESDAY GUYS!

Page 32 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ What an intense day… I’m grateful for doing things for the first time, even if they are unpleasant. Sometimes it’s needed and especially when we are treated badly. โ€ข After girls empowering girls I’m now even more grateful for boys supporting girls empowering girls. Yes, love conquers and sometimes bad situations bind us together and we see what we can achieve when we are honest and open towards each other. โ€ข I’m grateful for escapes, cities at night, subway wraps and pouring rain. I’m grateful for blankets over my head, overcoming panic attacks and falling asleep after an exhausting day. It’s crazy at the moment, I feel like every other day something new is added to the list of challenges I have to face. This is growing right? It’s all good. I’m ready

Page 33 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for surviving, I had an ‘almost accident’ tonight because of deer on the road. I luckily managed to avoid a collision and nobody got hurt – but damn that was close and I’m still shaking. My car is not the safest and the road was wet… I’m so grateful no life got hurt ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ Just another reminder how fast it can be over. And wow, feeling my heart beating that fast, feeling this strong urge to live in my chest. I want to leave sickness and my anxiety behind so badly, I finally wanna live life to the fullest again, experience everything without a shadow above my head…uhm, yeah I think this overshadows everything else that I could possibly think of today ๐ŸŒŸ

Page 34 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for lies coming to the surface. I’ve been used as a weapon in a conflict – so glad this has ended now and I’m no longer part of that. Seriously, as if we all don’t have enough problems already. Haha yes I’m a bit furious right now but I literally just found out the truth and now i have to clean up someone else’s mess ๐Ÿ˜‘ But this also makes me grateful for reconciling with someone I thought I’d lost. Uff what a roller coaster the last few days. Please guys, think twice before spreading lies about someone… Anyway – so relieved this is over and so grateful for another lesson ๐ŸŒŸ โ€ข I’m grateful for my first spinning session in AGES! I’ve been at the gym today with mom: spinning, stretching & sauna ๐Ÿ’ฆ It was good but I really have to take it super slow. My lungs are still weak and I have to be careful with my heart muscle… Anyway – it felt so good to move my body ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿฝ โ€ข I’m grateful for all the amazing people I get to connect with through Instagram, tumblr & co… Seriously you guys brighten up my day with your messages and comments – THANK YOU โค๏ธ

Page 35 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for dates with white almond butter – HOLY, I’m addicted!! Probably had about 50 today?! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘… โ€ข I’m grateful I finally fixed my iMovie problem and uploaded 2 new videos – also, I’m so grateful for all the amazing feedback I got so far!! Thank you guys! ๐Ÿ’• The message of loving yourself and living in the now means so much to me and I’m so happy I can inspire you in that way!! โ€ข I’m grateful for feeling so much lighter and more comfortable in my body. It was a long way and I had so many moments of doubting that I will ever look the way I did before I got sick, but eating right and being patient paid off. My mom said yesterday that I pretty much “halved” myself haha, I couldn’t help but feel incredibly proud. Achieving that without fighting, without seeing my body as an enemy and without torturing myself – like what?? I thought I damaged my body so much with the pill & co that it will take years to heal myself – if ever. I thought the water retention will never go away, the pain, the bloating. I’m so happy I didn’t quit, so happy I somehow found peace within myself and made peace with my body. Letting go allowed my body to let go as well… And all those vegan whole foods did the rest ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿฝ HAPPY ๐ŸŽ‰

Page 36 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ Sorry for my absence yesterday, it was a crazy busy day and at night I just felt like zooming out and turning my phone off… I hope you understand ๐Ÿ˜˜ I’m grateful for my 2. gym session after my long (forced) break. I did 1h spinning and some body weight exercises. Then sauna and ice cold showers (which I’m extremely grateful for as well ๐Ÿšฟ, I love how I feel afterwards!) I’m so relieved cause it’s going so much better than I expected it with breathing and my strength during my workout. ๐Ÿ’ฆ I’m so grateful for my amazing mom and for how much we support each other โค๏ธ I’m grateful for seeing my wrong behavior and being held accountable for it! I’m grateful for being able to admitt my mistakes and apologize openly. I grew up never being able to admit even the smallest things for example that I dropped a glass or something like that. I was always so afraid of the reaction and felt so extremely guilty that I just kept quiet and tried to hide it, and that made everything even more complicated. It’s so freeing to be completely honest with your loved ones and especially yourself ๐ŸŒŸ And I’m grateful for forgiveness…

Page 37 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for a fun but relaxed Friday night with my friends ๐Ÿฆ I’m grateful for a heads up that was totally needed and for being forced to build up my inner strength again. I was reminded of Harry practicing the patronus charm actually… Building up an inner protection that is basically existing of self love is so important. I can’t control what happens to me but I can choose how I react, I can decide wether I act like a victim or a strong honest and responsible person, I can remind myself over and over again that ‘I am. period’ is enough already. โ€ข I’m grateful for soulmate moments and the most valuable memories. I’m grateful for laughing again and for feeling calm today even though I’m exhausted af โœจThis week was definitely one of the hardest so far emotion-wise, way too many crazy things happened all at once and at some points I actually felt like they were running me over… but today I had a few moments of pure happiness without any traces of anxiety. โ€ข I’m grateful for fresh bed sheets (that I immediately stained with chocolate haha ๐Ÿซ๐Ÿ‘… OF COURSE), extra blankets, beanies and comfy sweaters… Seriously it’s so cosy right now – who wants to join me? ๐Ÿค— I’m grateful for enjoying my fast food dinner tonight. Grateful for the fresh mild air outside. Grateful for you reading this ๐Ÿ˜˜

Page 38 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I am grateful for dark nights, open windows, mild air, candles and ‘Jack Daniels’ by Mike Stud ๐ŸŽถ โ€ข I am grateful for somehow getting through this day. Bad ones a part of the game right? I’m truly grateful for how strong I apparently am, my mind is seriously shooting bad thoughts like arrows, attacking me in every single way ๐Ÿน Too many bad things happened last week and I’m struggling. I’m slowed down, almost paralyzed and it sucks. It sucks to break down and it’s hard to write this. But you know how much these posts mean to me, how straight and honest I am with you guys. I’ll be back on my feet. I want to, not just for myself, but for you as well. I’ve overcome phases like this before… And to everyone who is struggling as well, I’m here with you, we can do this ๐Ÿ‘ญ These emotions and bad thoughts don’t define us. One step, one smile at a time. Be kind to yourself. Take your time but DON’T EVER LOSE HOPE. // Sleepless right now, have to get up in 3h and work all day for this years conference at my uni. โœŒ๐Ÿฝ๏ธ

Page 39 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for keeping my old clothes. At some points I wanted to give away all my smaller jeans, shorts, skirts, etc, I thought I could never wear them again. But instead I’ve put them all in a separate drawer and kinda forget about them… but yay I tried them on today while I collected clothes to donate and I fit into all my jeans again ๐ŸŽ‰ It’s still so unreal that I healed my body. Like… it worked. I did it. โ€ข I’m grateful for a good workout, I feel like becoming stronger again already ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฝ I did spinning, stretching and body weight exercises… I still have problems with my lungs though. Sometimes I start panicking because I feel like choking… But it’s getting better day by day. โ€ข I’m grateful for the amazing package I’ve received from @torusathletica (see previous post) with the amazing@retreatyourself_box – and Ryan, thank you so much for your voice message today. It absolutely hit the spot ๐Ÿ˜˜ โ€ข I’m grateful for great new collaborations and opportunities…I’m so excited for everything that’s coming! โœจ โ€ข I’m grateful for all the beautiful messages and amazing support I’ve received since yesterday’s entry… ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ You guys are angels! It is super scary to talk this openly about my struggles but reading your thoughts and seeing all your outstretched hands… thank you so much! โ€ข I’m grateful I started this… like I’ve been writing on this post for 1h now haha. Its such an intense self reflection. Today was an up and down – right now I just wanna hide underneath all my blankets and stay in bed for days… It’s stormy like crazy outside. Rain hitting against my windows. Tears burning in my eyes. But I’m smiling. I’m grateful. Thanks for reading! x

Page 40 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m beyond grateful for 85k people following me ๐ŸŽ‰ THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I’m gonna throw a little shoutout party as a thank you, more information coming tomorrow โค๏ธ โ€ข I’m grateful for my soul sister Mary @mantrasandmangos ๐Ÿ‘ญ We talked on the phone for 2+h tonight and I’m so grateful for the special connection and effortless friendship we have. Thank you for listening Mary, thanks for making me laugh on a day like this, thanks for being the angel that you are. ๐ŸŒŸ โ€ข BTW, Mary and I talked about something and I would love to hear your feedback! As you guys might have noticed I’m going through a lot and I’m struggling. I would love to just continue with my weightloss series on YouTube and film all the videos that are on my list – but to be honest it’s really hard for me at the moment. No this is not an excuse for being lazy – if you ever experienced depression or anxiety you probably understand how paralyzing it can be. BUT I’m thinking about actually making videos similar to these gratitude book entries, reflecting on the day and just sharing my emotions. WHAT DO YOU THINK? โ€ข I’m grateful for making an important decision today – even if I don’t like it. I’ve been pushing this away for weeks and finally accepted the undeniable fact that I can’t finish a project like I wanted to. I rather spend the little energy that I have on my work here instead of a project that is not even my own… It’s hard to accept it, I usually rather do way more than anyone else, always overly motivated and enthusiastic. But right now I have to change down to low gear… ๐Ÿš—๐Ÿ’จ

Page 41 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m overwhelmed. My phone is about to explode. Since opening up in today’s video I’ve gotten hundreds of comments and messages on every social media platform I could think of. I wish I could reply to every single one of you but I’m afraid I can’t. But please know, I read everything and I appreciate you guys more than I could put into words ๐ŸŒŸ I’m so beyond grateful for all the support and love. I’m so happy I could make some of you feel less alone and more optimistic. Can’t wait to film another video tomorrow. Thank you, thank you so much! โค๏ธ I’m so grateful I’ve made the video.@mantrasandmangos Thaanks again babe for encouraging me… ๐Ÿ‘ญ โ€ข I’m grateful for a really relieving conversation with my mom today. Uff it’s so hard to explain these kinds of thoughts and emotions that are not even my own, not chosen, but that creeped into my mind and heart. I don’t want to be a burden for anyone, I don’t want to make anyone feel responsible or sad or hurt. Just a hug. Just knowing that my family is there for me is huge…โ€ข I also had to cancel a project today and my prof reacted so nice and understanding, I’m so relieved and grateful. It takes some pressure away… โ€ข My body is acting up, I fainted earlier and somethings wrong with my stomach. I’m grateful for being in bed now and I’ll stay here for a while โ˜๏ธ Oh and my hot water bag, what would I do without it.

Page 42 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for an old friend messaging me. There’s so much that I miss and right now, as I feel everything even more intense, it’s even worse. I was so happy to read his name on my lock screen. I’ve spent my teenage years 800km far away from where I live now and I haven’t been there for 2.5 years… I had to say goodbye so many times in my life. So I’m grateful for every “hello again”… โ€ข It’s bad right now, I wish I could write something more positive. I’m incredibly anxious right now, undefined thoughts are racing through my mind and my body responds really negatively. Fuck off โšก๏ธ I just wanna sleep sleep sleeep. Tomorrow is a new day… It’ll be fine. Ya, I’m grateful I still am so optimistic, so excited for the next months. Staying strong! Hug anyone?

Page 43 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I woke up with a stomach bug & flux #TMI ๐Ÿ™ˆ and spent all day in bed. If I would have left my bed today otherwise? I doubt it ๐Ÿ˜ I’m grateful I got to work through the first chapter of JOM by @wellineux that I got in my@retreatyourself_box. I’m thinking about purchasing the full JOM book… โ€ข I’m grateful that I started making videos about my current situation, I feel like it’s actually helping some of you out there and that makes me really happy. I hope I can get a bit more structure in the next ones! Today’s video is another 23min rambling one about what depression looks like for me and what helps me personally… โ€ข Being paralyzed and exhausted = not able to do anything is hard. Having it affect my body that I get sick is even harder. It’s taking all my strength right now… But I’m so looking forward to leave this behind and to rise from this dark place that I’m at right now. I’m grateful about still staying strong, still fighting against this monster inside my head. โ€ข I’m grateful for how much visualizing helps. Grateful for my bed, darkness and silence. I’m grateful for not having a panic attack today. โ€ข Thanks for all your support and caring words. It makes me feel less alone. I’m grateful for you guys ๐Ÿ’—

Page 44 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for a blue sky and sunshine today – what a healing power the sun has…๐ŸŒž โ€ข Grateful that I got myself out of bed and to the gym. Grateful for sweat. Okay that sounds a bit weird, but I love sweating ๐Ÿ’ฆ I did 1h of spinning, followed by some core training and yoga. Then sauna. Probably not the wisest thing to do, I had circulation problems afterwards, or pretty much all the time atm – it’s becoming obvious how much my mental state affects me physically. But at the same time it felt so good to move my body, to pump my system and to feel “strong”. โ€ข It’s so hard for me to be so “off” – like the smallest things take so much effort. I most of the time don’t recognize myself. I’m usually annoying everyone with my enthusiasm, with smiling all the time”, … Now tears feel like home. And sometimes I’m scared it will stay like this. But NO, I overcame depression in the past, I’ve been to way darker places, escaped from hell not only once. I can do this. And so can everyone of you going through similar shit. This is not who we are ๐ŸŒŸ โ€ข I’m grateful for unraveling some of the mess inside my head. I always bury experiences and situation in my unconscious mind – especially at the moment – but that obviously doesn’t keep them from hurting me. “You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them.” Letting the wounds bleed is hard af. But that is how we heal. And for that reason I love walls breaking down. Sometimes intentionally forced, sometimes happening all over sudden in the middle of a conversation – like yesterday. โ€ข I’m grateful for love. Love is there all the time. In everything. Do you see it? Open your heart to the beauty of every moment. The glimpses of pure bliss. Don’t try to hold on to it. Love is. You can’t imprison it. Let go of the need to control it, of the need to “own” it, the need to define it. Let it be. Trust in it. Happy Valentines Day everyone ๐Ÿ’—

Page 45 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for people being interested in my writing, asking for interviews and guest contributions. Like what….?? It means so much, never expected this… I’m grateful for crying haha, cried so much yesterday and that was good. I’m grateful for friendship. I’m grateful for weight being lifted of my shoulders. I always feel like a burden for others or think that they’ll see me as a victim, or even worse: attention seeking. But realizing that that is all just in my head was so relieving for me. I don’t want anyone to worry about me but yes at the same time I wanna be able to ask for help, to ask if I can come stay the night, to ask for a hug. To all you out there who are suffering from a mental illness: don’t hide yourself, don’t distance yourself from your loved ones. They love you for a reason and you are totally entitled to ask for support. “The fact that you are struggling doesn’t make you a burden. It doesn’t make you unlovable, undesirable or undeserving of care. It doesn’t make you too much or too sensitive or too needy! It makes you human!” Talking from my experience feeling guilty makes everything 3000 times worse! Drop the guilt, open up, let love in. โค๏ธ I’m grateful for being able to talk about what’s going on. I’m grateful for still not losing myself in this. But I also know that I’ll have to let go, have to surrender. I’m still fighting against the pain, I’m honestly so afraid, I feel like I’m not ready yet. But I have to face it… I’m grateful for @abelxo, he is reconnecting me with my heart, making me feel less numb, I just love his music. Some of you asked for a Spotify list with my favorite songs, I’m gonna make one later ๐ŸŽถ I’m grateful for Ryan and Tayla from@torusathletica being so loving and kind, thank you guys, your support means a lot to me. I’m grateful for escapes, rain and everything that’s holding me in “reality”. The restlessness inside of me is indescribable. It takes so much strength to just sit or lay down. It makes me feel nauseous, dizzy, just ahh ๐Ÿ˜ But I’m here, still here. Inhale, exhale. I am. Thanks for reading โค๏ธ

Page 47 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for the sun today. I’m grateful for my amazing friends. Grateful for being able to trust, talk, ask for advice. I’m grateful for surviving last night. The mind can do scary things. But thoughts don’t harm you. Thoughts can’t kill you. Thoughts are not who I am. I’m grateful for still finding strength somewhere inside of me even when I think I reached rock bottom. Sometimes you need to be strong for others and you get to see how much further behind “I can’t” you can go. Breaking down was not an option today. Maybe it’ll come tomorrow, but I’ll be better prepared. My mind and body are so weak rn but my heart carried me through the day. I’m grateful for not being alone tonight. I’m grateful for all you beautiful souls supporting me in these days. It means so much guys, thank you ๐Ÿ’—

Page 48 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for another sunny day. It was freeeezing today but the warmth of the sun still made my heart smile ๐ŸŒž โ€ข I’m grateful for being able to sleep last night. No nightmares, no panic attacks and I could sleep in. โ€ข Grateful for my cozy apartment and all the good food I had today. ๐Ÿซ๐Ÿช๐Ÿ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿ“๐ŸŽ๐Ÿž๐Ÿฒ โ€ข I’m grateful for my friend distracting me and being here till Friday. โ€ข I’m grateful for all you amazing people being so patient and supportive โค๏ธ. I’ve got some rude messages on tumblr today, basically saying I should just carb the fuck up (as calorie restriction is the (only) reason I experience depression) and stop complaining. Aha! ๐Ÿ˜ณ I don’t take it personally but it makes me even more appreciative of the 95% positive feedback and helpful advice I’m getting. So thank you guys, from the bottom of my heart. It means a lot to me that I can be so honest with you and share what’s going on in my life right now. โ€ข I’m grateful for every heart beat. Every single one. I still can’t let everything sink in…but I don’t rush it. One day I’ll be ready to let it bleed. At least nothing new happened today

Page 49 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ It was a tough day, I had a nervous breakdown, cried a lot, had another panic attack, felt incredible desperate and weak. But I’m beyond grateful for my mom, thank you so much for everything you do โค๏ธ I’m grateful for my friends distracting me and taking care. I’m grateful for sleeping 75327894h, crazy how much this is draining my body! I’m grateful this week is over soon. Grateful for consciousness. Isn’t it crazy that there are 1mio different versions of this moment right now? Filtered and changed by our mind? Knowing that you experience the same situation completely different, that “reality” is a personalized version of what’s going on is freaking me out. Like, how can we even discuss something that happened with each other if both have a completely different perception. A moment can feel warm, safe and happy for me when for you it’s cold and uncomfortable. It’s hard to put this into words, but maybe you understand what I wanna say anyway ๐Ÿ™ˆ I’m grateful for the opportunity to share my thoughts and experiences with you guys โค๏ธ I’m grateful to get to know others who know what I’m going through, who can explain the biochemical processes to me or who experienced something similar…

Page 50 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ 50 days already? Crazy. It scares me to hell how much time I “waste” being paralyzed by depression & anxiety… Such as today. Went back to bed at 8 am, slept till 3 pm and spent the rest of the day in bed, only left it to get food and take a shower. It’s hard to say what I’m feeling like right now. But ‘sore’ describes it really well… Crying a lot. Can’t get anything done. Can’t concentrate. I can’t even think straight. And I’m so done complaining… But I want you to know that if you are going through something similar – it is okay. Drop the guilt. Don’t put any more pressure on yourself. Let it be okay. // okay, let’s think of something positive. I’m grateful for warm and cozy blankets. I’m grateful for my heart. Grateful for my lungs. Grateful for my hands. I’m grateful I can sleep so much. I’m so exhausted, crazy. I’m grateful for getting a really good feedback for a business meeting I had on Tuesday. I was told today that impressed everyone and that I seemed really self confident ๐Ÿ˜ณ Means a lot to be valued for things like that. To be respected as a woman for what I have to say. Crazy how I still managed to attend the meeting even though I’m in such a bad place right now. And self confident? Me?!? … I’m grateful for that strength. Holy, I’m such a fighter. Which is both a curse and a blessing. Like, people often don’t take me seriously when I say that I’m struggling. Because I still seem fine, I still function, I still try to be of benefit for everyone around me. But I know that it’s exactly that strength that will help me survive and get out of this hell… I’m gonna try and sleep now, I wanna get a few things done tmrw before I spend the weekend with my crew. I love them for taking care of me, I need it so much… Tell me, what are you grateful for today?

Page 51 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for finding new strength! Grateful for a wonderful conversation. Grateful for learning new things. Grateful for feeling so calm right now. Grateful for having these amazing people in my life. Grateful for them making me smile. Grateful for dancing. Grateful for cities at night. Grateful for baby blue sunrise skies. Grateful for music, again ๐ŸŽถ Seriously music plays such an important role? What are your favorite artists??? Tell me, I’m curious!Page 52 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ For certain reasons I’m grateful for my nose ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿ˜‚ I’m grateful for a crazy Sunday with my friends, so much laughing and totally forgetting everything for a bit. Time to start the new week with the decision to be stronger, build myself back up and own my life again. So filled with gratitude and love for everyone who is supporting me so much and him even seeing through all of this and strengthening my inner self. For outstretched hands to help me back on my feet and reminding me how to stand alone. I was so strong before and that is still inside me. I don’t wanna let myself be weak. Being valued for my strength and maturity always meant so much to me, time to free it again. I’m grateful for forgiveness and honest friendship. For a special connection and having my fire burning again ๐Ÿ”ฅ Seriously that was magic.

Page 53 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I am grateful for my granny ๐Ÿ‘ต๐Ÿผ Grateful for the funniest memories and still laughing tears when I think about Sunday. Grateful for soulmate moments. Grateful for my body forcing me to rest. Grateful for good food. Ate so much yesterday. Even had 2 cliff bars after dinner haha #PMS ๐Ÿ˜ Grateful for being brutally honest with myself. Grateful for time. Grateful for being featured on @mymessyeatery ๐Ÿ™ˆ Ida interviewed me for her ‘Kitchen Stories’ series. Check it out ๐Ÿ™ƒ

Page 54 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for my balcony and a few hours of sunshine and clear blue sky. I moved my huge beanbag outside, like I always do in summer, and just laid there for a bit. โ€ข I’m grateful for seeing what I can expect from certain people and what not. Wait, no, I don’t even like expecting anything and rarely do anyway. But maybe who’s only a friend in good times and who is really there no matter what. There’s a difference between not letting yourself be pulled down and not being there at all. โ€ข I’m grateful for new doors opening right in front of me. โ€ข I’m grateful for fresh air and sleeping with an open window. Oh and I’m grateful for my bed, haven’t slept in it for a while. Maybe 10 days or so. I either slept on the couch with friends staying at my place, at friend’s houses or I fell asleep anywhere in my apartment but in my bed. โ˜๏ธ โ€ข I’m grateful for being alive. I’m in a lot of pain and so paralyzed emotionally. But I’m still incredibly lucky in so many ways.

Page 55 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for dreaming about the future, creating a vision. I’m grateful for people reading my writing, that means so much. I think I’ll write a book one day… I’m grateful for chocolate covered goji berries eaten with walnuts. I’m grateful for vegan take away food eaten in the car. I’m grateful for songs on repeat. I’m grateful that nothing’s stays the same. I’m grateful for new changes right around the corner. Yes I wanna live. I wanna see what life has in store for me. // And I’m beyond grateful for you guys. ๐Ÿ’—

Page 56 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for deep breaths, fresh crisp air, ice cold showers, I’m grateful for feeling light, for becoming more flexible again, I’m grateful for a cozy evening alone in my apartment, lit candles, blankets, feeling somewhat calm. I’m grateful for incredible epic time that is in front of me. I’m grateful for new opportunities and chances. Who decides when you’re ready? Why wait? Why not today? Let’s feel ready today. Let’s do this!

Page 57 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for friendship. I’m grateful for someone actually listening and paying attention, being there, catching me, not allowing me to be weak but strengthening my heart. Reminding me of the warrior inside of me. With the smallest things. The unspoken “always there”. I’m worthy to be treated right. Especially by myself. And so are you. โ€ข Grateful for not running away but facing a difficult situation. And not just “press on regardless” but actually with a plan, good preparation, calmness, with the right intentions and the best advice I could have wished for. Sometimes you realize you are grown up. And it’s time to start acting like it. โ€ข I’m grateful that I’m not having any hatred towards anyone in my heart, that I’m not holding a grudge against people who’ve hurt me in the past. I’m free in my heart. What about you?

Page 58 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for creative ideas, being appreciated as a friend and heart-to-heart talks. I’m grateful for a sunny weekend and the warmth of the sun on my skin. I’m grateful for raw intense emotions and for getting to know myself a little bit more every day. And when life gets to crazy it helps to take a step back and look at my reactions and feelings with a bit of distance. I’m grateful for moments that need no words but just being 100% present. Absorbing, inhaling, being. Grateful for a clear night sky and staying up with my friends. Honestly, I have noo idea why my life is so crazy at the moment. Sooo many crazy things happening at once. But it’s all good. I somehow manage to find peace and strength within myself again and again. And that’s what makes me grow. Come on, I’m readyyy!

Page 59 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซ I’m grateful for escapes and distraction, grateful for the cinema selling us popcorn although we did not watch a movie. I’m grateful for a beautiful sunset, driving through Hamburg by night and grateful for French Montana songs. I’m grateful the mysterious mazes of life, of love. Grateful for magic existing. Grateful for making memories I will carry in my heart for a life time. I’m really grateful for@leonardodicaprio finally winning the Oscar and his epic speech. He deserves so much respect for using this important moment to speak up for our planet and basically against the rich.

Page 60 of 366 ๐Ÿ’ซI’m grateful for good company, all the delicious food I ate yesterday and the beautiful weather. I feel like the sky has been grey and rainy for months now so these past few sunny days really made me so grateful. I instantly feel a bit better when the sun is shining ๐ŸŒž I’m grateful for brilliant actors and “real story” movies about important topics… I watched “spotlight” yesterday…and I recommend it to everyone!!! It’s so important to engage conversation about these topics (children abuse and its consequences, the power of the church, corruption, silencing victims of sexual abuse,…). What monsters humans can be. I personally now how much shame, guilt and pain these experiences cause, how it burns your soul and how much trauma it lefts. I wish I could do anything to stop stuff like that happening…seize my reach to do something. Anything. Couldn’t stop thinking about these things. It brings up a lot in me… I had a horrible night and feel like getting sick. But I’m grateful for another day. I’m grateful for people reading this. Grateful for YOU. I love you guys ๐Ÿ’—

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