It’s raining and I’m sitting by the open balcony window. I’m wearing long jeans and my feet are cold. I somehow like this weather. It fits how I feel inside right now. And I like the sound of raindrops hitting the windows and the roof of my apartment. But hey it’s August! This summer has been so weird. Colder. So much rain. Rarely seen a clear blue sky. I crave summer nights, those nights you dream of on grey winter days, nights spend in shorts and shirt, strolling through the streets, sharing stories and laughs. And I crave someone to share them with.
It is Valentine’s Day and I want to take this opportunity to write about a very important topic: Self Love. I am partnering with CLUSE for their campaign “Time To Love Me” to share my thoughts on this subject with you and give you some tips that help me to be more gentle and kind to myself.
“You are your most important relationship.”
Self love is absolutely vital – especially when we talk about relationships. I believe that we are meant to be in partnership. “Belonging” is essential for our health and well being and we all have a deeply engraved desire to connect. But you cannot truly love anyone until you know how to love yourself. We cannot give what we do not have. It always starts with YOU. If you want deep intimate relationships in your life – and I mean true intimacy, not just physically being with someone – you need to show the people you care about who you really are. And for that vulnerability you need to truly know and accept yourself.
I don’t even know where to start. But I started, so I guess that is a good thing?
I’ve been struggling. In December my uncle died and it really hit me. Not just the pain of losing a loved one but also the things that came with it, stuff from the past that was brought to the surface, the images at the funeral, my grannies pain, the recurring feeling of loss that seems to be a major motif in my life. Since then I’ve been in a downwards spiral up until 2 weeks ago, when I felt like hitting rock bottom. I really forced myself to change a few things, I reorganized my apartment (which helped so much!), had amazing support from my family and focused on good habits. So I was doing better for a few days, flew to L.A., had one of the most beautiful weekends of my life – and I really mean that -, came back home and had a successful model job in Hamburg. The following weeks look great, my bestie Melina is coming on Friday, I am excited to finish my uni essays, attend a few events and work.
But yesterday marked a new low point of my depression. I have been dealing with mental health issues for years now. I know why. And sometimes I manage my life beautifully in spite of it.