It is Valentine’s Day and I want to take this opportunity to write about a very important topic: Self Love. I am partnering with CLUSE for their campaign “Time To Love Me” to share my thoughts on this subject with you and give you some tips that help me to be more gentle and kind to myself.
“You are your most important relationship.”
Self love is absolutely vital – especially when we talk about relationships. I believe that we are meant to be in partnership. “Belonging” is essential for our health and well being and we all have a deeply engraved desire to connect. But you cannot truly love anyone until you know how to love yourself. We cannot give what we do not have. It always starts with YOU. If you want deep intimate relationships in your life – and I mean true intimacy, not just physically being with someone – you need to show the people you care about who you really are. And for that vulnerability you need to truly know and accept yourself.
We tend to think that a partner will make everything easier and we blame not being in a relationship for the problems we face. But instead of focusing on finding that special someone you first need to find love within yourself. Focus on yourself, give yourself that type of care that you would like to receive from another. Do not see yourself as incomplete, as a “half” that someone else will complement because that will never be a good base for a healthy relationship. No one can make you whole but yourself. In accepting yourself you unleash the capacity to love deeply.
Self love is not vanity or arrogance. Loving yourself is not selfish, it does not mean that you think of yourself as perfect or that you are self-absorbed. It means to become honest with yourself, to release all judgement and accept yourself exactly as you are.
That does not mean you are perfect and never have to change anything about you – in fact I believe loving yourself actually enables you to truly make changes, to uncover and let go of what keeps you from finding peace within yourself. Because for changing anything in the world we have to love it first exactly as it is. It requires self respect. The ability to sit alone with yourself, to introspect and hold space for yourself. Self love means forgiveness. And when you learn to forgive yourself it gives you the power to release the behaviours that hold you back and the limiting beliefs about yourself and others. You learn to connect with your true self so you can take the necessary steps forward to evolve and not be stuck in bad habits and old patterns. It creates so much freedom within yourself – like the ease that comes from being hugged by a loving parent.
So stop all criticism. Has criticizing yourself brought you anywhere in life? I strongly doubt it. So just stop. YOU ARE OK. When you hate on yourself it just sends out negative energy so you will never be able to create positive change. You do not have to beat yourself up in order to grow. Have compassion for yourself. Accept yourself fully.
When I was younger I constantly compared myself to others. Whenever I went to the cinema I found someone in the movie I admired and I tried to remember as much of her way to dress, act, speak – EVERYTHING – as I could so I could try and be more like that person. How crazy is that?
You are unique. Do the world a favour and be yourself, instead of striving to be someone else.
Stop discrediting yourself for everything you are not and start cherishing everything you are. It is crazy how much we resist this. For most of us it is so much easier to be our worst enemy instead of becoming our own best friend.
Loving your good qualities and successes is easy but truly accepting those parts of you that are kept in the dark – that is a lot trickier. Instead of hiding and avoiding them we need to observe ourselves without judgement.
We are constantly told that we are not good enough, that we have to do x, buy y or (not) eat z to be “okay”. But truth is: Who you are in this moment of your life is enough. You do not have to be validated or approved by anyone based on your bank account, your appearance, your fitness level, your grades, possessions or anything else.
“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?”
Would anyone in the world ever think that a baby is not “good enough”? So when do we start to have to be or do anything to proof your worth to the world?! You are born inherently worthy. No external achievement makes you “better than” and no failure diminishes your worthiness. I believe that this love I am talking about is already inside of us. So the real struggle is not about discovering self love – but breaking down the walls that we have built against it. Isn’t that empowering? ♥︎
You are lovable because you exist. Be patient with yourself. Patient and loving as you would be with a child or with flowers in your garden.
This is the TIME to fully embrace, love and honour all of yourself. All you need to create the life of your dreams is already inside you and only by loving yourself you can unlock your true potential and contribute to the world.
Accept all of who you are. Our thoughts are extremely powerful. They create our experience. Especially those that are connected to emotions. Every thought you have is a powerful affirmation. But unfortunately most of them are usually negative ones. When we constantly focus on what we dislike about ourselves or what we do not have the universe responds and gives you more limitation and lack. But if you see love, possibility and abundance you are creating more of it. So choose to think positively about yourself.
You are the author of your life. Your reality is a reflection of what is going on inside of you. So you need to take responsibility for what is going on in your inner world. Nobody else can do that, no one else has the power. Everything you are experiencing is either caused by you or allowed by you. The journey to self love starts and ends with accepting that you are the CREATOR. And there is a huge difference between responsibility and blame. Blame creates guilt and guilt locks you up in a cage. Responsibility instead is empowering.
And hey – since it’s Valentine’s Day – self love makes you sexy! It allows you to have trust in who you are and become confident and present. And there is nothing more attractive than true self confidence. It creates a magnetic energy, it makes people want to get to know you and be around you because your aura says “I am enough and so are you!”. In being honest with yourself and owning both strengths and weaknesses you become empowered to know what you want in life – and to actually go get it. Trying to be someone else is not sexy. So do not rely on anyone else to make you feel loved and beautiful or give you reassurance and attention – LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.
But how do you do actually do it?
Mood follows action. Self love is something that has to be practiced regularly and before we fully understand the theory it really helps to DO something. Self love is not a switch that you can turn on. It is something you need to train like a muscle. And here are some things you can do every day:
- Make a decision! By consciously deciding that you want to implement more self love in your life you are already taking the first huge step in the right direction.
- Date yourself! Do things that make you happy. You do not need someone else to do the things you love. Go out dancing, watch a movie, have candle light dinner or buy yourself flowers
- Care for your body! There is so much power in taking responsibility for your health. Not to look a certain way or please someone else, but because your body is a temple. So care for it with good nutritious food and a healthy balance of exercise and rest.
- Affirmations! Step in front of the mirror and tell yourself that you are enough exactly as you are. And before you roll your eyes – please actually try this. It IS magical. And do not forget to smile 🙂
- Distance yourself from toxic people! Know your worth enough to walk away from people who do not actually care about you.
- Surround yourself with good energy! Read books that lift you up, spend time with people who have a positive attitude, do not invest time and energy into any kind of negativity, gossiping, etc.
- Keep your place clean and decluttered! Our environment matters so much and it is incredible how much you can change your inner state buy cleaning up your room / appartment / closet / car / …
- Relax! Give yourself time to become still and present. Practicing meditation is absolutely essential in my opinion. And do not make it so complicated. Just start with taking 10-15 min every morning or before you got to bed, get in a comfortable position and focus on your breath. There are thousands of guided meditations on youtube or check out the App “Headspace”.
- Journal! Keep a gratitude diary and remind yourself of the things that you are thankful for.
- Spend more time with children! I find it extremely freeing to spend time with kids. To play with them or just watch them be with there innocent joyful presence.
I am sending all my love out to you guys ♥︎ Leave your thoughts down below!!
Thanks to CLUSE for cooperating with me for this post. You can find the beautiful watch here: https://clusewatches.com/model/cluse-minuit-mesh-full-silver-CL30023?utm_source=jiliciousjourney&utm_campaign=CLUSE&utm_medium=blog
I absolutely adore the elegant delicate design making this watch suitable for both every day wear and going out. The case has a perfect size (33mm) and it is super light.